Purveyor of Iniquities

Yesterday I wrote an entry about unrequited, and unknowingly dashed, not-quite-love-but-something-like-it, and, like hours later, someone responded and named the girl whom I had described.

Note that this is a girl I’ve not seen in four years. I didn’t even describe her all that well (unless the poster knew her at LC, which must be the case). So, fine: creepy, but interesting. And I want to know who the poster is: who is Jodi? Do I even know a Jodi? I forget so many things!

One thing that I forgot was that I signed up for Friendster. I do not remember doing this at all. My computer tells me, because I keep track of all these things for no reason at all, that I created my account on May 2, 2003 at 7:16 PM. I used it last, before today, on that day at 7:20 PM. That’s a while ago, but usually I remember such things, or, at least, I don’t realize that I’ve forgotten them.

Anyway, I was surprised today to receive a Friendster email telling me that someone had named me as a friend and did I wish to reciprocate/confirm the relationship (to be honest, I’m not exactly clear on how Friendster defines all these things and how it algorithmically implements them…whatever). The sender was one “Isaac Qqq,” a name that, obviously, meant little to me. Since it gave me the email address of this friend, I googled that: nothing.

Anyway, I figured it was spam and that the link was bogus. I took a look at the raw email, though, and sure enough, it pointed at Friendster. No fake links. So I clicked the link, now figuring that it still was spam but at least spam that operated through Friendster (ie, spammer registers a ton of accounts and uses them to send out invites; those who accept, thereby confirming that their addresses are valid, get spammed). Safari filled in my username and password automatically, which was the shock that caused me to go through my logs and, oh yeah, I guess I forget.

Unfortunately, Friendster wouldn’t let me find out anything more about my alleged ami Isaac Qqq until I identified him as a friend, which I did because my spam filter works pretty well. His profile didn’t tell me much, except that he’s got a girlfriend/fiance/whatever who loves him very much, apparently, I think. But the picture: long hair and straight features, and is that Isaac Alpert, my classmate for two years at Loomis who left, ultimately, because of disorganization? Isaac looks not-at-all-ungainly and confident and stable. When I knew him he was frenetic, abuzz with energy but worn out and actually tired by his own lack of focus.

Don’t tell anyone, but we both deemed The Downward Spiral to be a landmark concept album late one night, an artwork for the ages. “Bull session” conjures Isaac for me, because he was smart, fast, and doubting, always playing devil’s adovcate. So was Andy Miller, and so was I, usually. And living on the same floor and not playing hockey or lacrosse, we shot bull incessantly. Andy introduced me to the word “agnostic,” and if that’s not a bull session, what is.

I remember a breathless phone call one night a year or so after the NIN/Trent Reznor/Downward Spiral infatuation, after Isaac had left Loomis, when he was back in Florida and I was at home in Philadelphia, and I spent probably twenty minutes describing to him the revelation that Sonic Youth’s “Diamond Sea” was to me.

And he actually listened! Could I ever forget that?

(After about a minute’s thought and a quick search to see if the topic of yesterday’s post has an account (she does), I tried to delete my Friendster account. It didn’t take for some reason. Still, the whole idea is too dangerous to me. I don’t mind stumbling over memories, but I want the barrier of entry to be high and want these contacts to be deliberate and difficult and not at all gratuitous. Plus, when I think about the past, I think too much about the past and counterfactuals and verstian (?) and all that, but it makes me feel like I’m some kind of impotent Leo Bloom, you know?)

(And: how is this Isaac thing linked to the yesterday’s-topic-thing? I know that somewhere in the links and dark social networks and XML feeds and search engines of the Interweb there is a causal chain that explains everything, but the complexity is such that, for now, it’s unfathomable.)