Purveyor of Iniquities

Tomorrow and Saturday are apartment-hunting days. Somehow I’ve managed to avoid this process before, but this time I couldn’t get out of it. Reading the classifieds is so enlightening; everyone should do it from time to time. These restrictions kept popping up:

- vegetarian
- kosher
- gay m/f
- communicative (what does that mean?)
- NS (no smoking)
- light or non-drinker

Also spotted was a “must enjoy red wine”, “dog owner”, “dog lover”, several “no cats”, one macrobiotic, numberous “no pets” (obviously), and, several times, “quiet”.

Of course, I couldn’t find any perfect matches: “Adams Morgan: 1 BR, avail. immed., HWF [hardwood floors], priv bath, maid, no pets. Smokers, drunks, Sonic Youth fans preferred.” Still, I’m sure I’ll find something.

(Ummm, if you’re reading this because I’ve looked at your apartment and you followed up with a google search on my name, please know that this is a joke. Really.)