Purveyor of Iniquities

Capsule reviews from four years ago, until now unpublished:

OK kids, a lot of music is coming out this summer ñ some of it good, some of it bad, much of it worse. Donít get lost amongst the record bins, though. Hereís your hand guide of what to buy, what to steal, and what to break this summer. Keep it real.

Jesse Camp and the 8th Street Kids
Hair metal seems to be back in a big way. Youíve got Guns & Roses coming out with a new album, those Monster Ballads for sale on TV late at night, and now everybodyís favorite prep from Connecticut in his own MTV videos. Who? Jesse (nÈe Josh) Camp, and, well, itís not pretty. Thereís a reason he sounds like Cheap Trick on a bad day, and thatís because [Albumname?] essentially the heroin-chic video jock crooning over a tangle of guitars, the like of which hasnít been heard since Ratt and Whitesnake were cranking out albums on a yearly basis. One can basically conjure the entire album by imagining 30 or so back up singers and hangers-on shouting each songís title over a few tossed-off CC Deville riffs. Hey, Jesse, ìSee you Aroundî? Maybe not.

Anything by Shania Twain
Wasnít she a country singer last year? Now it seems that Ms. Twainís strutting herself around, dissiní Brad Pitt, and acting like quite the city girl. Well, thereís nothing wrong with that, but, diva or not, Twain misses the mark by a furlong, if not more. Just because Madonna went techno (with admittedly mixed results) that doesnít mean that anyone can. Besides, as far as musicís concerned, Countryís hardly even plankton, evolutionarily speaking. Twain really hasnít even gone techno, though; itís more like Paula Abdul on tranquilizers, which, at one point, would have been a good thing, but not now, dear god not now! Also, whatís with the leopard skin getup? You just donít impress me much. Expected time before Shania Twain moves to Las Vegas permanently: 3 years and counting down, quickly.

Cibo MattoóStereo Type A (Warner Bros.)
What can you say to two hot Village chicks finally hitting it big on the major music scene, other than, ìCome over to my place after the showî? Well, CM ditched the angry grrrl mojo for their new album, an eclectic mix of tasty tunes. Itís the perfect blend for sitting outside, sipping some Jack lemonade, and letting the summer happen. A year ago, CM were indie to the max, but the label hardly seems appropriate now. Along with Yuka Hondaís boyfriend, Sean Lennon, whoís now a member, the band has defined a new genre, trend-pop. You wonít just like Stereo Type A, youíll look damn good playing it, too. The album has a dreamy, optimistic vibe, like Lennonís Into the Sun, but with the instrumentation and songwriting to back it up. From catchy tunes to offbeat, but charming, throwaways, Stereo Type A is a postmodern collage of kitsch; little has escaped the sampler this time around. Even Miho Hatoriís vocals have gotten a pleasant boost, through opera lessons. The duo has mostly abandoned the gourmet tendencies that dominated Viva La Woman, leaving the pop just as delicious, though. Yo, pass the Volvic!

Ricky Martin
Menudo, General Hospital, the hairdresserís: is there anything wild and crazy about any of these? Still, theyíve spawned the phenomenon known as Ricky Martin and the current anthem of cretins across the country, Living La Vida Loca. For this summer, if you see Ricky Martin, hit him, and if heís on the radio, turn it off. If we all work together, we can nip this one right in the bud. Maybe there wonít even be a second album. Up until two weeks ago, I hadnít even heard of this guy; can I ever regain that blissful ignorance?

Pizzicato Five ññ Playboy and Playgirl (Matador)
Mondo Lounge-core. Theyíre smart and sexy, I think. I really canít tell; theyíre singing in Japanese, but it doesnít matter, damn it! The Pizzicato Five, who have sold about a billion record in Japan over the past fifteen years, are about to hit it big here, and it isnít a second too late. Weíre all sick of bands who take themselves too seriously (U in the key of 2) and of bands who couldnít give a damn about the music (Sugar Ray; I hear they have a new album out, too. Too bad.). With the P5, itís really hard to tell anything; listening to playboy and playgirl, youíll just want to dance. Itís another chunk of trend-pop, but in a different key. Think James Bond on crack, and youíre halfway there. Think Austin Powers and you missed the boat completely. If you want shake it, hate dance music, and can only listen to The Love Movement so many times in a row, this is the way to go.

Jamiroquai ññ Synkronized (Sony)
When did the last credible disco album come out? Remember, as always, Barry Manilow doesnít count.

Belle and Sebastian ññ The Boy with the Arab Strap
Buy it.

Pavement ññ Terror Twilight (Matador)
Rough around the edges and boring at times, but what did you expect? It’s a Pavement album.
Don’t try to be hip and get this on vinyl; buy the CD so you can skip straight to the good stuff.